Marriage Matters !?

When one hits a quarter-century (approximation) in the game called ‘Life’, there will certainly be a lot of commotion around. Suddenly we become the “talk” of the town. Our family members try to pull a new human into our house (or throw you in others’ den if you are a girl). At times this is totally imperceptible to the person in context. A few lucky ones will update their databases with the current affairs! But, boy, elders must have installed their search engines much before the news reaches you. Verbal enquires with relatives and friends form the first phase. If they return a “HTTP: 404”, then they head unabated publishing your profile on a matrimonial web/page. Now, being exposed to a large community, it is inevitable that you get paired-up with somebody. I have been talking about a typical Indian scenario. So, what if you are a love bird and already have a lovely bird beside you? Great going! You have just taken another road. On a certain (weak) occasion, both of you must have made ‘that’ life-time commitment. Here, I assume that you are not an amorous flirt. If my assumption is wrong, don’t just dawdle out here; instead, use “Alt + F4”. And for the rest, being a sincere lover or a duteous child, you think that you know the next step. Ah, you feel that at last God (I don’t know if he is the one) has/not showered mercy on you. Amen!! But, in either case, how many of us really think about the purpose of that binding? Do we just accept it as an everyday de rigueur?

Most of such queries were addressed from a religious perspective. The famous Hindu Kanchi matt has given this explanation:

The first is to unite a man with a helpmate after he has completed the study of Vedas. This helpmate is expected not only to run his household but assist him in the practice of the Vedic dharma.

The second is to bring forth into this world the children of noble outlook and character who are to be heirs to the great Vedic tradition, citizens of the future who will be the source of happiness in this world.

The third is to create a means for women to be freed from worldly existence. A man who is not yet fully mature inwardly is assisted in his karma by his wife. By doing so, by being totally devoted to her husband, she achieves maturity to a degree greater than he does. The fourth objective is the subordination of sensual gratification to the other three.

http://www.kamakoti.org/hindudharma/part18/chap17.htm

But, how many of the present day couples follow these ideals. Only a part of the last statement is emphasized as an objective. It sounds as if the aim is to attain the sensual pleasure. In real life do we need to marry to satisfy the animal instincts?

Now, here goes the Islamic version of the goals of marriage. The very word “Nikha” means ‘A contract that results in the two parties physically enjoying each other in the manner allowed by the Shari'a’. ( Shari’a is law system of Muslims.) But, in modern times, Islamic scholars have modified the definition of Nikha to include religious and social purposes. It points out to the fact that Nikha is essential to keep the human race ‘going’ from one generation to the other. Also, in the process, they need to produce righteous children who are pious. Unlike other religions, Islam goes a step further and prohibits celibacy and divorce. So, in short, even in Islam, marriage is recommended almost as a mandatory religious requirement.

http://www.java-man.com/Pages/Marriage/Marriage02.html

If you are from a western world, here goes the epitome of your ideals. Christianity says that a couple is formed and shaped to serve HIM. They, in the laboratory called marriage, discover their real values, emotions, self and finally become Christ-like.

In all the cases, marriage is viewed as a religious obligation. So, what if I am an atheist? Now, I don’t believe in any religion or its doctrines. Does it mean that I shouldn’t marry!

We will take look at the other side of the coin. Now, let’s assume that there exists no system called betrothal in the society. First of all, can u dare to visualize such a society (can I call it a society?). The whole world might have been in chaos. Anyone can sleep with anybody. Even now, people with illegitimate relations are looked down inferior to amoebae. In a marriage-less society, nobody knows who is related to whom... A father doesn’t know who his son. Even if he knows, he wouldn’t have remembered who his mother is. The children themselves have no identity. And more importantly, the very words we use to describe the affinity – mother, father, son, and daughter etc – wouldn’t have come into usage. Ah... What the hell of a world that would look like. A permanent bonding between a man and woman ensures this identity and “care of” address to the child. He can confidently assert say that he is pedigree of a certain family. I don’t have to remind you how important your Last Name is!

Also, marriage serves a more humanitarian purpose. It comes to the rescue of a girl (or a boy) when one feels inferior. The inferiority I refer to is in terms of security. For example, Mohammad the Prophet, at the age of 20, married a widow who is 40 years old. He shared everything with her just like a normal couple until she expired. Later on, he extended his hand to many poor widows (“many”, since polygyny is/was allowed in Islam). Thus, he induced a sense of security in those women. This might sound to be a typical example, but there are instances where people good at heart were involved in such activities. And mind you, this has got nothing to do with the religion or spirituality or material comforts! It’s just about being benign to the fellow-human. It’s another way of doing good deeds.

Marriage system (I call it a system) also ameliorates the methodology for distribution of material assets acquired by an individual. I am pointing to categories which include wealth, property, patents, IP’s, culture, tradition etc. If Dhirubhai Ambani had no sons (I assume, sons after marrying), what would have happened to all the Reliance Industries after his expiry? Who the heck would have raised the issue of splitting all the businesses!!! Marriage brings out a systematic approach in handling such possessions to the next generation.

From a more sensitive and health perspective, there needs to be some other human for communication, interaction, to exchange feelings and emotions (physical as well as mental). Psychologically, humans cannot live an isolated life (and no animal does) and we are used to the process of gushing out our thoughts, anguish and emotions. To accomplish this, we search for a being which matches our frequency. If we don’t find one, it results in accumulation of stress or disappointment. Even if we find one, the other person might be or might not be in a position/mood/interested in us. So, here comes the need for a human being who feels dedicated to you at all times. He/she has immense amount of love and affection for us. For this relation to be fruitful, the eternal response has to be from both the sides. We celebrate the discovery of such a life-partner in the name of marriage.