Marriage Matters !?

When one hits a quarter-century (approximation) in the game called ‘Life’, there will certainly be a lot of commotion around. Suddenly we become the “talk” of the town. Our family members try to pull a new human into our house (or throw you in others’ den if you are a girl). At times this is totally imperceptible to the person in context. A few lucky ones will update their databases with the current affairs! But, boy, elders must have installed their search engines much before the news reaches you. Verbal enquires with relatives and friends form the first phase. If they return a “HTTP: 404”, then they head unabated publishing your profile on a matrimonial web/page. Now, being exposed to a large community, it is inevitable that you get paired-up with somebody. I have been talking about a typical Indian scenario. So, what if you are a love bird and already have a lovely bird beside you? Great going! You have just taken another road. On a certain (weak) occasion, both of you must have made ‘that’ life-time commitment. Here, I assume that you are not an amorous flirt. If my assumption is wrong, don’t just dawdle out here; instead, use “Alt + F4”. And for the rest, being a sincere lover or a duteous child, you think that you know the next step. Ah, you feel that at last God (I don’t know if he is the one) has/not showered mercy on you. Amen!! But, in either case, how many of us really think about the purpose of that binding? Do we just accept it as an everyday de rigueur?

Most of such queries were addressed from a religious perspective. The famous Hindu Kanchi matt has given this explanation:

The first is to unite a man with a helpmate after he has completed the study of Vedas. This helpmate is expected not only to run his household but assist him in the practice of the Vedic dharma.

The second is to bring forth into this world the children of noble outlook and character who are to be heirs to the great Vedic tradition, citizens of the future who will be the source of happiness in this world.

The third is to create a means for women to be freed from worldly existence. A man who is not yet fully mature inwardly is assisted in his karma by his wife. By doing so, by being totally devoted to her husband, she achieves maturity to a degree greater than he does. The fourth objective is the subordination of sensual gratification to the other three.

http://www.kamakoti.org/hindudharma/part18/chap17.htm

But, how many of the present day couples follow these ideals. Only a part of the last statement is emphasized as an objective. It sounds as if the aim is to attain the sensual pleasure. In real life do we need to marry to satisfy the animal instincts?

Now, here goes the Islamic version of the goals of marriage. The very word “Nikha” means ‘A contract that results in the two parties physically enjoying each other in the manner allowed by the Shari'a’. ( Shari’a is law system of Muslims.) But, in modern times, Islamic scholars have modified the definition of Nikha to include religious and social purposes. It points out to the fact that Nikha is essential to keep the human race ‘going’ from one generation to the other. Also, in the process, they need to produce righteous children who are pious. Unlike other religions, Islam goes a step further and prohibits celibacy and divorce. So, in short, even in Islam, marriage is recommended almost as a mandatory religious requirement.

http://www.java-man.com/Pages/Marriage/Marriage02.html

If you are from a western world, here goes the epitome of your ideals. Christianity says that a couple is formed and shaped to serve HIM. They, in the laboratory called marriage, discover their real values, emotions, self and finally become Christ-like.

In all the cases, marriage is viewed as a religious obligation. So, what if I am an atheist? Now, I don’t believe in any religion or its doctrines. Does it mean that I shouldn’t marry!

We will take look at the other side of the coin. Now, let’s assume that there exists no system called betrothal in the society. First of all, can u dare to visualize such a society (can I call it a society?). The whole world might have been in chaos. Anyone can sleep with anybody. Even now, people with illegitimate relations are looked down inferior to amoebae. In a marriage-less society, nobody knows who is related to whom... A father doesn’t know who his son. Even if he knows, he wouldn’t have remembered who his mother is. The children themselves have no identity. And more importantly, the very words we use to describe the affinity – mother, father, son, and daughter etc – wouldn’t have come into usage. Ah... What the hell of a world that would look like. A permanent bonding between a man and woman ensures this identity and “care of” address to the child. He can confidently assert say that he is pedigree of a certain family. I don’t have to remind you how important your Last Name is!

Also, marriage serves a more humanitarian purpose. It comes to the rescue of a girl (or a boy) when one feels inferior. The inferiority I refer to is in terms of security. For example, Mohammad the Prophet, at the age of 20, married a widow who is 40 years old. He shared everything with her just like a normal couple until she expired. Later on, he extended his hand to many poor widows (“many”, since polygyny is/was allowed in Islam). Thus, he induced a sense of security in those women. This might sound to be a typical example, but there are instances where people good at heart were involved in such activities. And mind you, this has got nothing to do with the religion or spirituality or material comforts! It’s just about being benign to the fellow-human. It’s another way of doing good deeds.

Marriage system (I call it a system) also ameliorates the methodology for distribution of material assets acquired by an individual. I am pointing to categories which include wealth, property, patents, IP’s, culture, tradition etc. If Dhirubhai Ambani had no sons (I assume, sons after marrying), what would have happened to all the Reliance Industries after his expiry? Who the heck would have raised the issue of splitting all the businesses!!! Marriage brings out a systematic approach in handling such possessions to the next generation.

From a more sensitive and health perspective, there needs to be some other human for communication, interaction, to exchange feelings and emotions (physical as well as mental). Psychologically, humans cannot live an isolated life (and no animal does) and we are used to the process of gushing out our thoughts, anguish and emotions. To accomplish this, we search for a being which matches our frequency. If we don’t find one, it results in accumulation of stress or disappointment. Even if we find one, the other person might be or might not be in a position/mood/interested in us. So, here comes the need for a human being who feels dedicated to you at all times. He/she has immense amount of love and affection for us. For this relation to be fruitful, the eternal response has to be from both the sides. We celebrate the discovery of such a life-partner in the name of marriage.

Winners and Losers !!

A close friend of mine passed me a message that he has got a new job in his home town. I congratulated him heartily and I considered him a lucky guy because it’s a rare opportunity for anybody to work at their native place. That’s a sort of dream come true. The he suddenly typed that he would be going to the US of A after working 3 months here. I was really happy to hear that. But, at some corner of my mind, I was thinking the other way – why was he so elated about leaving his home town and going to a foreign land. So, I shot the same question to him without hesitation. The obvious reply from him was “I didn’t get u!!” Then I elaborated the same – `You are working in your home town, Again you will be doing the same work in the USA, then what is the need for you to go there and work for them?’ This may sound eccentric to most people (including my friend). And on the lighter side - he didn’t respond till now! The reason for citing the above incident is to be misunderstood neither as depreciation of my friend’s character nor as a jealousy feeling of mine. The crux of the discussion has to be perceived.

Of course, if offered a chance to work in the US, my feeling wouldn’t have been much different from his. The obvious reason everybody gets enticed to that “US charm” is the $ bill. I agree with the statement that earning money is an important aspect of life. Also, when compared to our nation, US is ahead in many fields, say, like political power, affluence, trade or defense. They can be aptly called the at-present leaders in those departments. US of A has literally emerged as a nation that rules the Earth !! It delves itself into the internal affairs of almost every nation, without being invited. Needless to say, it is the American bureaucracy that is dictating terms in Iraq and Afghanistan. Thanks to their interest in saving people. The diplomacy they show in dealing international controversial issues – like our very own Kashmir issue – is awesome.
Leaving aside the pun in the above statements, the strategies played by US of A to push themselves forward in various directions is truly praiseworthy.

On the other hand, there are reasons and facts that work against USA. One simple example is enough to reveal how hypocritical their strategies are. Recently, we have been hearing a lot about outsourcing jobs to India and other countries where so called “cheap” labor is available. The latest advancement in this direction is setting up an R&D operation centre solely in countries like India. The caveat is not to get excited that we have done it. Here it goes… they will have their marketing office placed in the US, where only a few dozen guys are responsible for tapping the international markets. And most importantly, they call the US office as the headquarters of some XYZ Inc. Simply put; these Indian fellows would be working for a “US-based” company and are joyous of that very reason. The result is that we work loyally for our employer to repay their generous act of providing thousands of jobs to Indians (neglecting their own nationals). Of course, one may argue that the whole gamut of operations is to cut-down the costs. But, this is partially true and there are other objectives that lay obscure.

The first and foremost reason for such establishments is the objective to inject a sense of inferiority in the people of developing nations. Cool….I will handle it for u with my XYZ Inc. example. We are happy to work for the so called US-based firm as long as we earn decently. But, who is minting money on our labor? Feeling not at ease with the obvious answer, suppose, can we demand to be paid at least a three-fourth of what our American peer gets? The unanimous answer to this is a big NO. The reasons for that is insecurity and fear – fear of being sacked out or the fear of the organization itself being shifted to some other “cheaper” countries. There we are. “When you fear someone – you are half dead”. In this way the rich nations can always make us sell short to hold us in their claws. (To be continued,….)

Sentimental Software Pro

I have always heard filmi heros getting trapped in an “image”, they would never come out. I never believed it. But there was a certain amount of truth in it – now I realized. There are certain things that we cannot rule. Sounds philosophical naaa…There is a reason behind it and that made me attempt this first blog.

“The only to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not” is my signature to all the outgoing Yahoo! mails. I could not abide by it anymore. When I m alone, peculiar thoughts come to my mind. (Now, don’t say that I need to get married asap !!!). I keep on thinking around them and almost never finding a solution. After spending innumerable sleepless nights, the cause of my suffering is in front of me. Its simple – I m unhappy. Unhappy not because things are going wrong with me. Unhappy because I am really not satisfied with my life. Enough of beating around the bush….A few straight questions should make things clear. Why am I working so hard ? Is it for a better living ? Then how do I define a better life ? Does it mean a happier life ? Am I really happy ? No, not really. I m sure, at some corner of your heart, u too have this answer. Of course, happiness is difficult to define and in most cases its relative.

I always feel and am sure that our forefathers led a peaceful and happier life when compared to us. Today people (including me ) fly to all the corners of the earth in the name of money (though they may not admit it !). In this, aptly called, rat-race we are losing our identity. In my case, it seems to me, I am spending almost all my life in the office cubicle. The only jargon I use daily consists of few words like Work, Deadline, Reports, Project etc,. I am afraid, may be after sometime, my grey cells even won’t recollect other sensitive vocabulary. I always get horrified with the very thought of neglecting things of prime importance such as emotions, feelings, arts, family, friends, nature.

No..these ideas cannot take me a long way. I cannot imagine a night-marish life. Its high-time for an insurgency.